What Grade Are You In?

It really makes me giggle when people ask my children what grade they are in, and they can't answer the question. 4th grade, 8th grade; it means nothing to them. So no matter how many times I tell them what grade they would be in, they don't remember. And if they did remember, it would change on them at a most unexpected time! Then there was the time when my husband was asked by a co-worker about the grades of our children. When he could not answer, the lady said, "You don't know what grades your children are in?!" (He then explained that we homeschool.)

Grades are irrelevant to us. The whole philosophy behind the grade system does not sit well with me. What does it mean to be a 3rd grader? Why does it matter? Are we so anxious to label, and compartmentalize that we have to put our children in nice, neat compartments? One might say, "But there are skills that need to be learned by the end of third grade to complete all the skills by the end of 12th grade." This is not a true principle. Yes, there are skills that need to be learned in life, but is there really a time limit?

If a baby does not learn to walk by the time he is thirteen months old, is there no hope that he will ever walk? Will he forever be behind the other children? The answer is, of course, "Absolutely not!" A child will walk when he is ready, able, and willing to learn, and usually not before. Two of my children walked very early. My oldest son started to walk at seven months, three weeks. My second son started at seven months, two weeks. I was criticized by several people saying I should make them crawl before I allow them to walk. Can someone please tell me how this is done? Because I have absolutely no idea how to stop a child from learning to walk, and I certainly don't know how to make a child learn how to crawl. But moreover, is it right? Should I try to keep my child from walking? Should I force him to crawl first? I believe it is wrong to do so, and I believe this doesn't stop at age five.

Once a child is enrolled in public school kindergarten it is all about the grade level. "Is he at grade level?" "My daughter is above grade level in reading." "My son is below grade level in math." Why do we have to measure? I have no idea what grade level my children are on in any subject. All I know is they can read, quietly and aloud, and understand what they read and also what is read to them. I know the middle two can do basic math, and the oldest is branching into advanced mathematics. I know that they have had exposure to history, ancient through modern, world and American. I know they can write, and are progressively getting better at spelling. I know they are experiencing science through experimentation, and grammar through practical application. But most of all, I know that they love to read, because they read a lot and not just when I ask them to. I know that they are gaining a broader history education through literature. I know that they love to write because they are all writing books, stories, plays and comics. What more do I need to know? What else can a standard achievement test tell me?

If you are at all engaged with your children, you know their strengths and weaknesses. You know what they are capable of, and where they need help. My favorite quote about homeschooling is, "You are the expert in your home.” (DeMille) Nobody knows your children like you do! Nobody! I can truly say this, because I quite often go around with blinders on, seeing things only my way from my perspective. And even I can see these things in my children! Even I, who am self absorbed, and a little selfish with my time, can see what my children have accomplished and what needs improvement. If I can do it, I know that you can, too.

When I was new to homeschooling, I was still in the mindset that I needed to model the public schools in my own home. If I started a workbook that was for a first grader, it had better be done even before he was a "first grader." (We were homeschooling; after all, we had to make a good showing, right?) It didn't matter if he didn't like doing it, or if I had to bribe him to do it. It had to be done, because he needed to do first grade work. But when I found my oldest son, at age seven, "cheating" by looking at the answers in the back of his math book, I had to look long and hard at this process and decide if this was truly the way to go. It was then I realized just how messed up the public school grade system is, and knew I needed to find another way.

 I decided then that if I was going to homeschool, I was going to HOMESCHOOL. And to me that meant child-led learning. I needed to follow his interests and needs, rather than follow the guidelines of some curriculum publishing company. Life became a little easier because I didn't have those endless checklists to follow. But it also became much more difficult because I didn't have those endless checklists to follow! What was I to do now?

This was when I really dove into educational research. I read everything I could get my hands on! I found my three favorite homeschool books: A Thomas Jefferson Education by Dr. Oliver DeMille, The Well-Trained Mind by Jessie Wise and Susan Wise Bauer, and The Relaxed Homeschool by Mary Hood, Ph.D. About a year later I went to a seminar that was designed as help for children in the early years of education. It was there that I got a lot of ideas to make our homeschool time much more effective, especially for those children under the age of twelve - which they all were at that time. After that, I got rid of the idea of grade levels out of my brain, once and for all! At least, I hope so.

If you force a child to read before he is ready, he will learn to hate reading. If you force a child to do math before he is ready, he will learn to hate math. I needed to provide the learning environment, and set them free. Which I did. At the ages of nine, five, and three, they were free from my grade level demands. Free from my ideals. Free to find their passions. I was also free! Free from worrying about what "they" thought about my children and me. Free to study what I needed to learn. Now, this does not mean that I never have those little panic attacks when my children are asked what they do in school, and they say "Oh, we don't have school, we just play!" Or "We just play with legos all day." I still do have those moments of worry, but I have something else as well. I believe in the Agency Based Education philosophy. I believe it is spoken of in the scriptures. I believe it is based on free agency, which is what this life is all about. When I struggle with those thoughts, I have something to fall back on--my faith. Agency Based Education is an extension of my faith.

Now, I'm not saying that EVERYONE should be using the same educational principles in their home, but I do know that you have to believe in whatever method or set of principles you do use. Homeschooling is difficult enough without a solid foundation. If you don't believe in what you are doing, then why are you doing it? To sum up, let me just say: please, please, please don't let grade levels worry you! They really are just arbitrary rankings based loosely on averages, and are more for crowd control than anything else. Have faith in your children, and have faith that God will guide you. Grade levels are man-made and are not your friends. (Even if your child is above them.) They rank and criticize your child and yourself. And no one on Earth gets to rank your child, not even you!! That is a privilege left for Someone who has much more wisdom, grace, and love than anyone else. You know Whom I mean.

About our Guest Writer (in her own words): I (Lynda) am a native Utahn, and have lived here for 38 of my 39 years.  17 1/2 years ago, I married the most wonderful man in the world!  We then proceeded to have four amazing children; two boys (15 and 11), a girl (9), and another boy (5).  We live across the street from my husband's childhood home, which makes for some interesting neighborhood dynamics, especially since we homeschool, but which also gives us a wonderful sense of belonging.  My children have always been homeschooled, which means we have been on this ride for ten years!  Besides homeschooling, I love to read, cross stitch, and sing.  I am busy with the children's activities, serving on the board of a co-operative private school in Northern Utah, teaching the 12- and 13-year-olds in Sunday School, and supporting my husband in what may be turn out to be a huge career change.  We are living this crazy life that sometimes gets a little overwhelming.  But then when I get to witness the growth of my children, in their educational and personal lives, first hand, I am extremely grateful that God set this path before me.  I contribute to three blogs:  Prejudices of Young Minds, Who Do You Think You Are?!, and Confessions of an Absentminded Homeschool Mom .

If you are an LDS homeschooler and would like to be a Guest Writer, Send  your finished post and a short paragraph telling about yourself and your homeschool to guestwriter(at)latter-dayhomeschooling(dot)com.  Include your blog link, if you have one.