Having it All

I should give you an introduction.  My name is Courtney and this is my first article for Latter-Day Homeschooling.  I feel so privileged to be included with this inspiring group of women.

With that formality out of the way; there is something that I feel is essential that you know about me in order for us to be friends.  Once upon a time, I was a perfect mom.  It's true.  And it was actually quite easy.  But evidently hypothetical children are different from actual children.  So it all came to a screeching halt when my first child was born.

When I was a child, like most of you, I dreamed about what I would be when I grew up.  I vacillated between wanting to be a doctor, a vet, an artist, a writer, a concert pianist... I forgot those dreams as I grew and started to develop my talents and other interests.  I wanted to be a singer, an author, a poet, a rock star, a professional runner and join the peace corps.  I eventually let those dreams go as well.

Elder Bradley D Foster said in this last conference "By divine design, nurturing seems to be part of the spiritual heritage given to women.  I've seen it in my daughters, and now I see it in my granddaughters - even before they could walk, they wanted to carry and care for their little baby dolls."


I see it in my daughters too.  I also see it to a certain extent in my son, but the treatment he gives to his toys could never be confused with the tenderness that my girls give to their baby dolls.

I admit I was one of those girls as well.  The one dream I had never let go of was the desire to have a temple marriage and a family.  But there are also so many things that I wanted to do that I knew I couldn't do as a mother, especially a mother of small children.

Not too long ago, I went through sort of an early mid-life crisis.  One of the many, many dreams I had had as a child was to sing on Broadway.  But my parents didn't support that choice and I settled for a path that would more easily allow me to fulfill my roll as a mother in the long run.

After my third child was born, I found myself looking back at my life with regret.  Not with the things that I done, but with those things that I hadn't.  I was plagued with "what if's" and "if only's".  I felt like I had been cheated out of my lifelong dreams and I was always looking for a way to redeem it.  I even tried out for American Idol.  I had the opportunity to participate in my first play.  I had a big part and took my nursing son to six grueling weeks of rehearsals.  I was so excited and I knew that even though I might never be on broadway, I could still be a small town star.  I had a lot of fun and my childhood dreams of singing again fought it's way to the forefront of my mind.  But it was really hard on my family.  So I resolved not to do another play until our children were grown.  With sadness I put that dream back up on a high shelf to collect dust; knowing full well that I might never pick it up again.

I tried to "find myself" in other ways but as with anything in life, the more time you dedicate to something, the less you have for other, and in my case, more important things.

I was still unhappy and regretful.  One day, as I was wallowing in self-pity the Lord told me in no uncertain terms that the reason I was unsatisfied with my life wasn't because I had dreams that I couldn't fulfill, but because I wasn't realizing and taking advantage of the countless and incredible benefits that motherhood has to offer.  Since then my outlook has completely changed.  In short, I am one of the most selfish and lazy people that I know and it took an intervention from the Lord to show me that my priorities were way out of order and that was why I was dissatisfied.

Sister Beck said in the last BYU Women's Conference that "Women are like a lioness at the gate of a home... Nothing important happens in the home unless the lioness cares about it and makes it a priority... When our priorities are out of order, we loose our power."

That is exactly what happened!  After a massive priority shift I have realized that the releasing of my dreams has been a very freeing and powerful experience.  And in doing so, I have discovered that I haven't let them go after all.  And I certainly hadn't settled.

I grew up hearing about how "women can have it all" only to hear as an adult, that those who tried, found it was impossible.  I guess now the new saying is that you can have it all, you just can't have it all at the same time.  I must strongly disagree.  Women can have it all, and at the same time.  I certainly do.  But it is because I am a mother, not in spite of it.

Satan has done a wonderful job at attacking the root of the family.  He has convinced countless women that being a stay at home mom is second class and a waste.  I see the looks they give.  They look at me with pity when I walk through the grocery store with my three kids in tow and pregnant on top of it all.  They speak to me like a "poor little brainwashed girl" who is too simple and uneducated to do anything else.  They don't realize that I was fully aware of my options and potential when I chose to stay home with my kids.  To those women who turn up their noses at me, I defiantly say that mother's are the only women who can have it all!

I spent years of my life wasting my time thinking that I needed others to validate me in order to be successful.  Once I woke up, I realized that what I care most about is that my husband and children know that they are the most important things to me.   Not money, not a standing ovation and not even a pat on the back.

One of my favorite talks this General Conference was Sister Beck's.  She said "A good woman knows that she does not have enough time, energy or opportunity to take care of all of the people or do all of the worthy things her heart yearns to do.  Life is not calm for most women, and each day seems to require the accomplishment of a million things, most of which are important.  A good woman must constantly resist alluring and deceptive messages from many sources telling her that she is entitled to more time away from her responsibilities and that she deserves a life of greater ease and independence.  But with personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently."

Every time I read a book to my children, I am an actress.  Every time I sing them to sleep, I'm a singer.  When I blast music while we clean the house, we are all dancers!  I'm an artist every time I get out the paints of crayons.  I'm the world's greatest doctor, who can heal anything with a kiss and a hug.   I'm a therapist when they come to me in tears.  I'm an accountant every time I balance the checkbook.  I'm a chef when I'm in the kitchen.  I'm a maid, manager, technician and computer geek.  Electrician, nutritionist, horticulturist, photographer, movie screener and critic.  I'm a builder, economist, a politician, a professional complement giver, the "it's not fair" police and a drill sergeant.

Within my little family I have fulfilled every dream I have ever had and more!  And since I have added homeschooling to my list, I'm finding a whole new set of dreams that I am so excited to follow with my kids.  I get to be a scientist, a mathematician, theologian, botanist, zoologist, literacy specialist and historian.  I get to read great literature with them and be a scholar.  With the help of this blog, I'm now a writer.  I can do anything my heart desires because I am a mother!

Elder Maxwell said "When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies?  The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods?  Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling that what happened in congresses?... You rock a sobbing child without wondering if today's world is passing you by, because you know you hold tomorrow tightly in your arms."

I don't get paid with money.  The currency in my home is much more valuable.  They pay me with smiles and hugs.  Kisses and "I love you's".  Last week my five-year-old told me that I was the best mother that any kid could ever have.  I know that's not true, but the fact that she felt it means the world to me.  Nothing is worth trading that.  I am a mother.  The woman who has it all!

Courtney is an overly scheduled, overly stressed, overly sleep deprived and overly blessed homeschooling mom.  She has been married to the greatest (and best looking) man for almost nine years and has loved every minute of it (almost).  Her husband recently joined the Air Force and so far, she is thoroughly enjoying the military life.  She has two girls, ages seven and five, and two boys ages 3 and "born any minute now".  She is in her first year of homeschooling and has decided there is no way she is going back.  Courtney knows it is selfish of her, but she feels that her children are entirely too much fun for someone else to enjoy their company all day long while she can't.  Courtney apologizes if this post is long winded and rambling.  She tends to feel very passionately about things and has a hard time ever shutting up.  You can find more of her and her musings over at My Ordinary, Every Day, Happily Ever After.